The Light

Feeling doubtful of my athletic ability. When normally I feel excited for work, I wonder about this season. Six months have flown by for the off-season. Somehow I must summon the courage to be humbled.

The hope I see is this December, when I need not to prove myself any longer in the business of wildlands fire fighting.

I can take what I learn, and store it in my arsenal. No job will be harder than this, stressful than this. This is my military service, the version of it.

Will this season change my mind about fire?

Good Morn

About seven years ago (this is the only reason what discomforts me about aging--too many memories) I lived in the renovated attic of a 100 year old house that was slipping off it's foundation. It was a student-whore house (storey st/stoney st). We were all in college, will full days on our agenda and a mission to party at nights or weekends.

The point of this memory is coming. Most of us had early days, or early mornings deadlines due to procrastination.

By 6 or 7 PM, after a day, there was no way I could really spend more time on studying. I would force myself to stay awake until 8 PM, a time which I determined that although early, sounded reasonable. (7PM is a bedtime for babies, was my rationale)

At 7:45 PM I would be waiting for bed, knowing of a fresh start in the morning meant fresh brain activity.

Okay, the point of this memory is that, Now as a 27 year old, I go to bed earlier than my parents and sometimes grandparents. I guess this is why I am up at 7:30 AM writing a blog, which I would have never written at 9PM the night before.

The Biznass

Last Monday, I shocked no one. Made a switch to morning training. Crossfit mornings are a cougar den. The cougars are easily beating me, and I don't know whether to feel inspired or discouraged. Feeling the notch kicked up. Rope climbs, handstands, are mentally challenging. I crash into the floor before trying. I would be better at this drunk.

As for swimming, everything is improving. Going longer distances without being too sloppy. Then these new experienced cats come and have perfect form. Definitely jealous. I need to get a grip on reality and stop the PMS. Trying to be excited about the potential.

Last Friday was 14.5 Open for CF. Loved it. Great push. Came in last, but glad I finished.

The storms are here, and I need to take this sunny Sunday opportunity to climb some hills. It might be too muddy. Cramps are taking me out of the game, fuck you cramps.

Untitled

Finally feel energized this week. Off to a good Monday! Today I discovered in the Sac Bee a possible training hike (four thousand feet climb in four miles?!) that is nearby Pollock Pines. Called Pyramid Mountain. Must seek and destroy it a few times before I move out.

Back again with RAMS, the swim team. perfecting my freestyle, flip turn, and backstroke. Not that I intend to compete, but perhaps after a year of training I can represent RAMS at a meet.

Crossfit I have mixed feelings for. It is time to move to level 1, from anywhere X. However, with the double work-outs (RAMS in the afternoon) I may not be able to sustain myself. After this week, I may push myself to level 1. This gives me time to manage my other responsibilities and transition to a harder crossfit experience.

Other responsibilities being, maintenance technician work. flipping one house and one condominium.
This may mean switching some crossfit sessions to the morning. There is lots of work to be done in one month.

Saw a promotion about a Retreat in Costa Rica. Focus is AcroYoga, Surfing, and Massage. Nov 24-30.  Once I get the magic details I'm sucking my sister into this. All our favorite subjects. Crossfit anywhere also does trips that include WOD's. Loving this. Can't wait to spend my fire money on this good stuff.

Been reading a lot in the paper about EDD, which is the agency you get unemployment from. Staff Cutbacks/Cut hours means paper-delay. Well, after applying Jan 2nd of this year (and a paperwork fuck-up myself for the month of Feb) today I received maximum benefits. With more to come. It's like the greatest tax-refund ever. Speaking of that, I also recently got my Federal Tax Return back, and my REI dividend.

There's this place in Carmichael that does body performance testing. Which means, they may measure body fat etc. I intend to go. Of course I'll share the results. I reckon that I am 20-25% bodyfat.

In closing, an admission: Everytime Ragnar farts I burst in laughter. Why is farting more funny than burping? Ragnar is especially gassy from getting into the trash. Wow. I just farted now. haha.

70 degrees out

Sacramento is beautiful. Double Day training. Still feel energetic. Running is suffering from ultimate frisbee ankle injury.

Yesterday scouted out a "local" steep hill. Where are all the hills? It has to be the levy. 10 rounds up that girl with 40 pound vest. I may rather take the vest to Gold's Gym for a stair master ride.

Swim practice was incredibly fun, I've improved my freestyle stroke in one session. Tomorrow is going to be an interesting day, going to Sun City for property maintenance. More importantly, getting my mountain bike back. Tear up Folsom Lake time.

This weekend I will be in the Bay. There is talk of bbq-hottubbing at my girl's house. Life is pretty sweet. Been living it up since I was laid off. Working hard-core for six months only to retire for the off season?

Also thinking about Montana Conservation Corps. What a lovely job experience that could be.

Days hardly matter in the worlds of seasonally unemployed

Rainy day. "we need it" says every californian who makes small talk.

In my unimportant world, I'm preparing for an unemployment insurance interview. Earlier last month I was disqualified for paperwork malfunctions. This is the time to appeal.

Saw the G-parents yesterday. They want me to maintain their Sun City house before they sell. Okay. There are citrus trees there yielding enough to make the incentive very worth it. Grape fruit for everyone! Bartenders, Crossfit instructors, Ok Cupid Dates!

Now that I'm a new meathead, investing in protein/glutamine is on the radar. I'm down with the shakes. Was going to eat ice cream anyway.

Last week checked out RAMS (Master's Swim Program) and can't wait to learn how to swim properly. Starting that program soon, this week probably. Will I be able to handle the double dose? (Crossfit at night, RAMS during day) GOING FOR IT BRAHHH.

The only thing not in my diet is hiking. Auburn this weekend! Confluence! Go big! Weight Vest!

Going for Crossfit Sonora this May. My ass will have a permanent kicked mark on it.

Interested in getting body fat analysis done somewhere. Just to mark some progress.

Lots of small goals!  Getting those projects done! Cut back on alcohol! Shaving my legs! haha 2014 is already boss.

Progress Report

Last day of February is today, but counting time is an annoying habit. I'd say with how little responsibility I have currently, the master plan is moving forward.

Last time I left this blog, I was moving to volunteer for a conservation corps. My commitment with them ended early in order to train full time, and take responsibility over the animals while my parents visit Katie and Jon in China. That volunteer experience was simply the right ingredients for fun. Physical labour, camping, making new friends, traveling, and disconnecting from electronics.

When returned to my parent's house, I learned about the disqualification of unemployment benefits. That is under the process of appeal. A rookie federal seasonal employee has a steep learning curve.

As far as fitness goes, I've scouted two major hikes in Auburn, joined Crossfit, take classes at Gold's Gym, and about to start a swim circuit with Swim Masters of Rocklin.

I hope by April I'll be use to double workout days (Swim Masters @noon and Crossfit @1830 with long hikes on the weekend).

Since being home, my binge drinking has stopped. Eating more healthy and cooking for the family. After the volunteer gig, I was weighed 190.5 lbs by Kaiser. Looking to slim down to help with the hiking.

I believe that I will be ready by the first weekend of May.

ACE got it.

In the past short week, I've talked to many mentors. ACE's female C-Faller. Gila's senior fire fighter. Birthday partner Mary-Hunter. They have helped me achieve some inner peace about fire fighting.

Last Friday morning I committed to a fire crew.  The decision was unbearable. Going back and forth like that. Wrote out pros and cons, even.

The need for job security sealed the deal. Ship out in May. Training will get even more serious now.

So far I've ran, and hiked. Doesn't feel hard enough. After this spike, I want to move to a furnished house where I can plan out a routine and get discipline with it. Warm weather love.

If I do stick around Santa Cruz, I would get into activities. Its the only way.

May Goals
25 Solid Pushups
5 Solid Pullups
165 LBS
7 Minute Mile

This is dedicated to my only reader.

There is hardly any training going on. Major reconsideration for summer's plans. Life is under construction. Pardon the dust.

Hustle

There is no heart in my training. Perhaps it is an accountability issue. I'm not taking it seriously because no commitment to a crew has been made yet.  Soon it is time to dial in. Hustle begins with a routine.


Lately I've been settling business that needed to get done during last year's fire season. Such as selling my pickup truck. And I sold it tonight. To a Guatemalan. Who is shipping it to a farm in Nicaragua. That fucking pickup truck is WOOFing in central or south america. God bless it's soul.

God save ours.

Where on Earth

Wishing right now for some direction on where to float and relocate to for seasonal work. When I think about the next fire season, I realize that it is creating more anxiety than passion. This season will probably be the last, before getting back into conservation work. I'm acting like I've been in the business for years. Have not.

I don't have enough testosterone to work in a male-dominated environment. Am I the only female in the world who wants to leave a male-dominated environment because it is too exclusive? How the fuck do these chachas really do it? Impressed.

See how my doubts unfold as I continue to apply for next fire season... haha.

Since when did yoga get so hard?

All I love is dumbbell squats. We as humans love to do things that we're good at. This explains why running is dispassion. I have a 40 pound ass (genetics, beer, cheese, dumbbell squats) that I must take on runs. Anyway this muscular build of mine has no core strength, hence the return of yoga.

I remember four years ago, how great warrior yoga was. I was 160-170 pounds, mostly fat, but flexible fat. haha. Anyway, getting back into it is a cold shocking nightmare reality that yoga is difficult when you have lost practice.

Now that i've hit rock bottom, even in yoga, I can start from scratch.

I've generated some goals to hit by mid-May. When I finally leave the nest of delusion, these goals may change to reflect reality.

-Five Pull-Ups with Work Boots
-Seven minute mile
-Bring weight down to a solid 165 pounds (hiking could get easier)

Someone splash water on my face...

sb

USA job postings.

They ARE coming. Federal job posts! Been applying to a few fire and trails positions. The more I rummage online, the less excited I feel. Off-season already feels as if it is slipping away. Don't feel ready to apply because I cannot accept the challenging reality of it-yet.

Just one more season, to put in your arsenal. Jack of all trades, master of none. As life intended.

Anyway, I'm another step closer to selling my pickup truck, committing to a forest, and moving to santa cruz for more distraction. If only I could pick one project to work on at once.

Everything else I could say is too personal for a fucking internet blog, one that is only intended to record how many pull ups I can do (one).

The holidays are over, which means my excuse to drink heavily is too! Damn.