ACE got it.

In the past short week, I've talked to many mentors. ACE's female C-Faller. Gila's senior fire fighter. Birthday partner Mary-Hunter. They have helped me achieve some inner peace about fire fighting.

Last Friday morning I committed to a fire crew.  The decision was unbearable. Going back and forth like that. Wrote out pros and cons, even.

The need for job security sealed the deal. Ship out in May. Training will get even more serious now.

So far I've ran, and hiked. Doesn't feel hard enough. After this spike, I want to move to a furnished house where I can plan out a routine and get discipline with it. Warm weather love.

If I do stick around Santa Cruz, I would get into activities. Its the only way.

May Goals
25 Solid Pushups
5 Solid Pullups
165 LBS
7 Minute Mile

This is dedicated to my only reader.

There is hardly any training going on. Major reconsideration for summer's plans. Life is under construction. Pardon the dust.

Hustle

There is no heart in my training. Perhaps it is an accountability issue. I'm not taking it seriously because no commitment to a crew has been made yet.  Soon it is time to dial in. Hustle begins with a routine.


Lately I've been settling business that needed to get done during last year's fire season. Such as selling my pickup truck. And I sold it tonight. To a Guatemalan. Who is shipping it to a farm in Nicaragua. That fucking pickup truck is WOOFing in central or south america. God bless it's soul.

God save ours.

Where on Earth

Wishing right now for some direction on where to float and relocate to for seasonal work. When I think about the next fire season, I realize that it is creating more anxiety than passion. This season will probably be the last, before getting back into conservation work. I'm acting like I've been in the business for years. Have not.

I don't have enough testosterone to work in a male-dominated environment. Am I the only female in the world who wants to leave a male-dominated environment because it is too exclusive? How the fuck do these chachas really do it? Impressed.

See how my doubts unfold as I continue to apply for next fire season... haha.

Since when did yoga get so hard?

All I love is dumbbell squats. We as humans love to do things that we're good at. This explains why running is dispassion. I have a 40 pound ass (genetics, beer, cheese, dumbbell squats) that I must take on runs. Anyway this muscular build of mine has no core strength, hence the return of yoga.

I remember four years ago, how great warrior yoga was. I was 160-170 pounds, mostly fat, but flexible fat. haha. Anyway, getting back into it is a cold shocking nightmare reality that yoga is difficult when you have lost practice.

Now that i've hit rock bottom, even in yoga, I can start from scratch.

I've generated some goals to hit by mid-May. When I finally leave the nest of delusion, these goals may change to reflect reality.

-Five Pull-Ups with Work Boots
-Seven minute mile
-Bring weight down to a solid 165 pounds (hiking could get easier)

Someone splash water on my face...

sb

USA job postings.

They ARE coming. Federal job posts! Been applying to a few fire and trails positions. The more I rummage online, the less excited I feel. Off-season already feels as if it is slipping away. Don't feel ready to apply because I cannot accept the challenging reality of it-yet.

Just one more season, to put in your arsenal. Jack of all trades, master of none. As life intended.

Anyway, I'm another step closer to selling my pickup truck, committing to a forest, and moving to santa cruz for more distraction. If only I could pick one project to work on at once.

Everything else I could say is too personal for a fucking internet blog, one that is only intended to record how many pull ups I can do (one).

The holidays are over, which means my excuse to drink heavily is too! Damn.

dancers are fucking ripped.

My home girl and I decided to do a couple of classes at a barre studio while in Sac for the holidays. Buy one get one free she said. Okay I said.

Never have had dance training. The class is essentially dance warmups. Everyone was decked in lukulemon.

New respect for dancers. Not even a hotshot could finish this kind of workout. Lots of air humping and planks.

How does this have anything to do with fire? My supervisor once said that in order to last long in the game, having a strong core prevents most injuries. Also, its sad that I've become bulky without any strength in my core.  Some flexibility would be nice. Back to yoga, players.